Unlikely Friends: Chapter 9

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It was two days later when finally Giada came down the ramp from the loft. Milarose had managed to use his magic again to shrink himself and spent long hours talking to the young kainu. Their voices had been low enough that the others hadn't heard what was said, but they were at least sure that Giada hadn't become hysterical again like the first night when they tried to convince him to come down.

The kainu's face looked gaunt and his scales and fur were dull. Hay had tangled in his mane and tail and dried clots of blood and viscera clung to the rounded prongs of his horn. From the fur on his face Icarus could see that the children who had visited him, namely Rubin, had tried to clean his face for him, though they'd had limited success. It had been very brave for someone so young to put themselves at risk like that to save their peers. 

"There are mice and water, Giada," Icarus said gently. "I can help clean your horn as well if you would like." 

Giada raised tired eyes to look at him. There was a quality about them that Icarus had only seen as of yet in the eyes of soldiers and those who had witnessed unbelievable tragedy. And he was so young…

"Why are you still here?" Giada asked, his voice raspy and hoarse from disuse. "You took Mila away when we needed him, haven't you done enough?" 

The question stole the breath from Icarus's lungs. It echoed the question he had been asking himself all this time. Why was he still here? Each attempt he had made to try to speak with Milarose had been met with a cold shoulder and an excuse that he was busy. Should he just leave? Would he be welcomed back? Would he be missed? These anxieties of his were new and unwelcome, and it must have been clear from his lack of response that he was hurt. 

"It isn't his fault," Milarose said, giving Giada's rump a nudge with his snout. "Go on, get cleaned up and eat. We can talk more later." 

The kainu's eyes lingered on Icarus for a moment longer before he walked away, his head low, tail trailing on the floor. 

Only once the child had passed him did Icarus take a breath, all but gasping as he felt tears flood his golden eyes. 

"I did not ask that nightmare to follow me here," he said in a low but heated voice. "I did not ask to find myself here, I did not ask for that child to be hurt. Why does he treat me like I did! I have done everything I could to keep things together around here, I have done all that and more! Am I so unwelcome here?" 

Milarose stared at him with that same disinterested expression and turned away as if to leave. Frustration and anger welled up in the kainu and he darted forward to stand between Milarose and the door, planting his hooves wide as his tail lashed behind him. 

"Tell me!" he said, voice trembling from the effort it took not to shout the words. "Am I still welcome here?" 

He saw Milarose's throat work as he swallowed, saw the twitching of his whiskers and the mist of tears that filled his eyes before he rasped, "No. Im sorry." 

The breath escaped Icarus once more in a blustery laugh as he straightened and looked away from the dracus. He smiled, but there was nothing happy or pleasant in the expression. 

"Okay Milarose," he said finally. "I understand. I'll make my farewells, then. Solpor and Helmi have both made their wishes clear to me that they'd like to leave. They were going to tell you when you got back, but you've been so busy neither of them had a chance to talk to you about anything. That seems to be a struggle we share."

Milarose's jaw clenched in what looked to be anger. He clearly had something he wanted to say, but he kept it to himself. Instead he said, "If they feel they are ready to go, they may go. I won't stop them."

Icarus stared at him in disbelief and asked, "Don't you want to know where they are going? These are children you raised, do you not want to know where they will be?" 

"I wish them the best, but there is little I can concern myself with other than the children here," Milarose rasped. He looked defeated, shoulders slumped and his tail resting on the floor of the barn. "Perhaps they will be better off with you. Helmi is not happy here and I suspect Solpor has been ready to leave for a while, but he stayed because he cared about the others. But this is no longer a safe place for them." His voice shook at the end and Icarus heard the tears before he saw them. 

"It is still a safe place," Icarus said, his voice gentle and calm once more despite his earlier anger. He understood that Milarose was struggling, he just wished he could help. "You have done everything you could--"

"It wasn't enough!" Milarose snapped, ears laying back and fingers curling into the bedding beneath his hands. "Azrinal stopped breathing twice on my way to Eirwyn. I had to breathe into him and risk hurting him further by pressing his chest to keep his heart beating. He nearly died, and for what? My own selfish needs? I laid with you while these children who rely on me solely where attacked and one of them was nearly killed, another is so traumatized that he hardly wants to speak. I spent half a day convincing him to come down from the loft, and for what! So I could feel normal and happy again for an evening. It wasn't enough, not by half. I wasn't enough." 

Icarus listened to what Milarose said, understanding now why he had been treated this way for the last few days. Milarose didn't want to send him away, but he felt like he had to. He was a distraction, a temptation for Milarose to become complacent that would put these children in harm's way. He wasn't being pushed away, he was being held at arm's length.

"You are enough," Icarus said quietly, approaching Milarose with careful and measured steps. "You raised these children, they had no one until you brought them here. Now look at them. You've done so well." He leaned his head forward to touch his nose to Milarose's cheek, and though he felt the dracus pull away slightly at first, he let out a sob and covered his face with his hand as he leaned closer to Icarus. 

"I have friends all over the world, Milarose. Let me help you," Icarus said. "I know a Q'Lin in the northern mountains who could take Solpor on and teach him a great deal. I could even bring Helmi to a friend I think might be able to teach him some humility."

Milarose laughed derisively at that as he wiped away his own tears. He turned his head to press their muzzles together side by side. He breathed in the kainu's scent, warm earth and windswept grass plains. It comforted him in some small way so he could pull himself together.

"Take them, find them a place to call home," he said. 

"I will," Icarus said. "I can do that for all the children here, when they are ready." 

"How will you know when to come for them?" Milarose asked. 

"Send them to Eirwyn," Icarus said. Using his whisker to brush away one of the tears that rolled down the dracus's cheek. "She will send word to me and I will come." 

He stepped back and looked up at Milarose, smiling now with his usual brilliance. "We'll see each other again, soon I imagine. Rubin seems about ready to eat you out of house and home, he might need a little push to venture out. Until then?" 

"Until then," Milarose said with a nod. "And Icarus...thank you."

"You're welcome."